Awhile ago I asked for a few topics on Facebook to write about on my web blog. I received an overwhelming response from ladies regarding relationships. They, like many of us all seem to hold the same unanswered questions when it pertains to dating, relationships, and finding love.
Can I Be Real?
Let's face it, men and women view and approach dating and relationships differently. When I turned thirty, it was as if my biological clock sounded off and I was in a hurry to find a man to meet my womanly requirements if you will. In the end, I was involved in two bad relationships, that I take total blame for because I was desperate. (Harsh I know)
I was so set on fulfilling a void that I forgot about real love and enjoying the journey and living in the moment.
Now that's not to aver that the men in my life were saints (Far from it). I just assumed the responsibility because, my woman's intuition had already warned me to walk away. You know that gut feeling that tells you to stop, leave it alone, ABORT, ABORT, guess what? It's real.
Men, however, take a different approach when comes to relationships and dating. They go into it with no expectation, they enjoy the moment and most are okay with not pressing a connection that clearly isn't there. Then we have some that bank on our insecurities and will gladly oblige you physically for a night or for standby purposes only.
Which Will You Be?
Many of us have been guilty of this, some of us are aware of it and some are naive. The ones that are aware tell themselves "I'm a grown woman" or "I'm get mines" Many of them ,end up falling in love or have a stalker that can't seem to rid themselves of.
The Solution
Ladies what if I told you dating is to be fun, and no pressure. It is about the process of elimination. We must take a cue from the fellas and learn how to go into dating with no expectation. If it works out great, if not lets keep it moving. We are so afraid of starting over that we miss out on the journey of true love.
Holding onto or forcing a Mr. Wrong in your life for companionship will cause you far more pain than being alone. When it's the right time it will happen until then enjoy the moments of being single, and live life. Don't wait for a man to give you happiness, that is a task that is for you and God....
Great advice. As women, especially black women, we accept what is given to us by others. We allow the disrespect. We compromise when no compromise should be made. (He better not let me see him cheating! As if he keeps it behind close doors, out of your sight it is okay.) After several bad relationships I decided that what was more important in my life than men who chose or I should say I allowed to disrespect me. I focus on myself and my kids, then God bought me someone. No, we did not meet in a conventional way but I am not a conventional person nor live a conventional life. In the beginning of our marriage it was very rocky. But I stood my ground on what I believe in and was more than willing to compromise where compromise was needed. Now, I am happy with myself not just in my marriage. I am happy being me.
ReplyDeleteJust be true to yourself....everything else falls into place....
ReplyDeleteThis is so true on so many levels. This is advice we all know and should take, but the question is how? It's much easier said than done.
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies for sharing your thoughts
ReplyDeleteTracy I think it's a matter of being comfortable with ourselves and loving us completely. If we take time to know ourselves and be confident in us then we know we don't have to settle . You just gave me a new topic for tomorrow "Applying Confidence"
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